And now the European Prize for Literature

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Nederlandse versie

Just back from Ireland  and as usual with a stock of books bought at the airport Eason´s that always has great bargains and special offers. This time it was the three for two offer. I use such opportunities to be more experimental in my choice of book and perhaps pick an author I have previously not read.

And so I arrived home with three more books. The first of the three I decided to read was a small novel, about 50,000 words - the Man Booker Prize winner The Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes.

Having missed the run up to the award ceremony and never having read anything by him before, I went into this book with zero expectation and entirely unbiased. About thirty pages in, I began to question the Man Booker Jury’s decision, as the story had, up to that point, failed to completely grab my attention. The narrative bordered on the superficial, characters remained two dimensional and it was unclear exactly what the motivation for this novel actually was.

Into part two, and my curiosity is sparked. I find myself grabbing odd moments to read a few pages. Barnes is, by his unusual approach enticing me to read on.

This is a first person narrative. The narrator, Tony, is a divorced man in his sixties, who, by means of an inheritance, is confronted with specific actions in his past.

The other characters in the novel are incomplete, almost caricature, but now I am beginning to get it. They could not be otherwise because the entire premise of the novel is in fact that Tony, the narrator, lacked the insight and empathy to understand those around him, even his closest friends. It is precisely his inability to  truly see and accurately assess situations and the behavior of those involved in them, that is the issue in this story.

The narrator has failed to enrich his emotional world by taking a plunge off the deep end and now, late in life, he realizes that he has structured his entire existence around maintaining his limited viewpoint. To see more, would have upset his equilibrium and his notion of who he was, and who others were in relation to him. The inheritance evokes old memories, old situations, and gives him a second chance as it were, to discover the truth.

But even in this latter phase of his life, having again failed to empathize with his old girlfriend, the same girlfriend he so badly misunderstood in the past, and left alone, the penny finally drops.

It is with a sense of melancholy and regret that the story comes to a close.

The fact that Barnes has managed to keep the reader intrigued and curious, while at the same time creating a narrator with such a limited viewpoint is an amazing feat. I, the reader, see every situation through the eyes of a limited protagonist. His reality is my reality. I believe it completely. Only when the scales partially fall from his eyes and not a second sooner, do they fall from mine.

It is ironical and paradoxical that in a first person narrative with just such a narrator, Barnes displays amazing insight and understanding of human nature.  It is therefore only on finishing the book, and pondering on it, that I truly realized just how great this book really was.

A well-deserved Man Booker Prize Winner.  And now, winner of the European Prize for Literature!

The Shift - from ambition to meaning

buy the DVD

A film about the spiritual teachings of Wayne Dyer.

Starts with enchanting music played on the piano, and the words, spoken by Wayne Dyer “thoroughly unprepared, we take the step into the afternoon of life. Worse still, we take this step with the false presupposition that our truths and our ideals will serve us as hitherto. But we cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning”. 

The film then goes on to explain and illustrate this beautiful quotation.

Wayne Dyer, himself a successful writer of self-improvement books such as Pulling your Own Strings, and The Sky’s the Limit while in the morning of his life, felt his own shift into the afternoon of life and his calling to become a more spiritual writer and teacher. The result is the well-known, The Power of Intention and Change your Thoughts, Change your Life – Living the Wisdom of the Tao. His latest, The Shift, Taking your Life from Ambition to Meaning is the basis for the film.

The structure of the film is simplistic, easy to follow and thus appealing to a wider audience.  In brief, a film making team come to a beautiful seaside retreat to film Wayne Dyer as he speaks about The Shift. This interview is punctuated with secondary storylines, two or three individuals, couples and families who are also staying at the retreat and who, coincidentally illustrate Dyer’s theories. 

If you can get past this uncomfortable set up, then what Dyer tells us, and how this is illustrated in the secondary scenes is actually really inspiring, more so because of its almost childlike simplicity. 

In his studies, Dyer has discovered, both in men and women, that the morning of life is filled with striving to achieve external goals, ambitions, the need for recognition, monetary reward, social standing, though exactly how these goals are chased differs significantly between men and women. Then, as we approach the afternoon of life, these goals are replaced with more intrinsic ambitions. Internal satisfaction, deeper meaning to life, spirituality and self-realisation become the new drivers. Suffering is caused when we try to live the afternoon of life with the same program we applied to life’s morning. 

The characters in the second layer of the film, illustrate the different forms this transition can take. A mother who relinquishes some of her nurturing tasks to create space for her own creativity. The film maker who, having been fired from his job at a commercial network, has a light bulb moment and knows he has to make more inspirational films and the company executive, who takes a step back from his corporate ambitions and chooses for family. 

But, the most significant personal shift comes from another character entirely, and if you want to see who and how, then you will have to watch the film!

As I mentioned earlier, this is not a film filled with deep, intellectually challenging metaphors and symbols. It is designed to reach everyone. Wayne Dyer’s presence throughout the film, his gentle tone, and succinct way of explaining his discoveries were pleasant to listen to and for me at least, the lessons sank in. 

listen to the whispers otherwise the shouting will deafen you

I remember years ago on the Oprah show, when she, to my mind became an active advocate for spirituality and finding your true life’s path, that she talked about the whispering in the ear. It was, I think in relation to the discussions she had with Gary Zukav and later she used it more often in relation to spiritual development and discovering your true life’s purpose. Well, clearly I have been missing the whispers, despite imagining myself to be open to what the universe wants to tell me, because for several months now the shouting has been getting louder, until it is almost deafening.

Of course if I am honest with myself, I heard the whispers, but I didn’t want to hear what they were telling me. I was actually to scared to face up to what I needed to do. I procrastinated, delayed, put far too much energy into maintaining a dissatisfactory status quo. I was flogging the proverbial dead horse as we in Ireland would say. I kept telling myself that the horse wasn’t dead, just in a very deep sleep, and in need of an awakening.

Want to know what the whispers were?

My relationship of five years had run its best course. It had run out of steam. My partner and I had come to a crossroads and did not want to choose the same fork in the road. He was more clear about his next step than I. And I, still fearful of loss and rejection, imagined I could walk his path. I told myself that the relationship was my life’s purpose, and not that other fork in the road that continued to draw me in, and on which I repeatedly turned my back. But walking someone else’s path is not as easy as it seems. It didn’t feel like my path, and despite the fact that my choice appeared to perpetuate the relationship, it was devastating to my spirit, and to my self respect. My life was becoming one of ever increasing compromise. But as long as I told myself that relationship was my destiny, I denied myself the opportunity to listen to the whispers of the universe.

I was flogging a second dead horse, I am afraid to say. As if one wasn´t enough. The second was my job. For years I had justified staying in an unsatisfying job because it paid well, it was not full time, it did not challenge me too much intellectually, it left time for me to care for my children, be creative (I am a writer and a painter) and most of all, left time for me to invest in my relationship!!!!

The whispers about the job were many and plentiful, too. The new boss who didn’t like it that I was intelligent, or independent or opinionated. The repeated rejection of my new ideas for things like the company magazine, the website, and all the stuff that I enjoyed doing.

So when did the whispers turn into shouting?

I developed arthritis. My knees, especially my right knee, gave up and I had no choice but to have surgery. Coming up to the surgery, being nervous prevented me from ‘keeping up appearances’. I became crotchety, both in my relationship and in my work. On the surface my bad humour was disproportionate to the situation, my nerves too. What was actually taking place, though it another six months to realise it, was that, having lost myself to all that compromise, I had lost faith in the world around me.

My bad moods did not improve after the surgery. And my healing process was a slow one, as I had depleted my physical body too by my continued flogging of the dead horses.

Needless to say, I am no longer in the relationship and have put a tentative foot on the other path on that fork in the road.

I have dug deep and carried out some honest soul searching, and want you to know that all the above reasons for staying put are not the real reason. The only real reason there is, is my fear.

But fear or not, the universe has its own plans for me. I can choose now to tune in to the whisperings of the universe, or I can again wait for the shouting.