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I suppose I just didn’t know anything else. How my body felt before I became ill was normal to me. Only after two weeks of mandatory doing nothing, simply because my body had temporarily shut down, showed me something else. You see it was more than just a physical slowing down, my mind followed suit.
Intitially, all my demons came to the surface and tormented me for a while but instead of doing all in my power to push thema way, I simply didn’t have the strength to do that, I faced them, finally. Envy, loneliness, martyrdom, ugliness, fat, failure, all paid me a visit. Each one lay down next to me. I embraced them, one by one. I invited them to share their message with me. I treated them like friends. After all, they had all served me well at some time or other in the past. Each had wormed itself into my personality for a reason.
So I observed, absorbed and thanked them. Then I let them go, like balloons at a funeral. And it was a funeral of sorts. My physical purging was a reflection of the slow disintegration of my ego. The demons that had nurtured it and that I had released over the previous two weeks, were the funeral balloons for the old me.
For the first time in my adult life, or at least for the first time in my recollection, my body feels stress free and my mind spacious. I am, I believe, learning to live right here, right now, no fear of the future and with acceptance of the past.